Whore for Half a century
It's ok because I allowed you to love me in such away. I love you as if we were 16, 20 years later I love you. I watched you grow, fall when beaten by society and stood up when faced by your enemies. I was to be your wife, however for the last 15 years I have been your whore. The woman that you refuse to forsake the world for; The woman you lie to, hiding me from those who mean nothing to me and the world to you. Your sick days I lie next to you in spirit; sneak to see when they are no longer around. Loaning you hundreds of dollars only to never see it again;
I am your whore-
The woman who bore your eldest child, I am her. You hide my being, my existence and the deep conversations we have. You slide in my bed during the midnight hour and slide out in the early mornings. I fight battles of flesh and spirit over you. I belittle my worth in hopes that you will recognize my value in your life.
I am your whore-
13 years ago I walked away from you but I never left your side.
Your side of the bed has been warmed by those who try to give me sexual gratification. But it waits on its true owner. The food I cooked and warmed during late night hours awaits your return. When the man of you; your manhood needs washing it is my jaws that cleans it. When the dampness of my thighs calls for attention you treat her as if to say you love her. But you have nothing but love for me. My heart knows the difference. Today I have to forsake you, and the us I believed in. I have to refrain from denying the truth, my truth.
I am your whore-
Recognition is the beginning to feelings that I hid deep within
Owning my reality is my biggest unmet sin
Accepting the outcome is of being what I dream of
It’s nothing more than factual.
I am your whore-
Being your whore is my addiction
My 12 step program has yet to be designed
This long drawn out story is our end but my true beginning-
I was your whore
However on this date
I am no longer-
Now allow me to open my front door as I do so many mornings
Your back rest at the glass that I want to touch
Your spirit calls out to me
Yet the beat of your feet takes you from me; like so many nights
Holding on to my tears, resting behind all my lonely fears
Yes it’s true: nothing more than the whore you once adored
I forgive you; I forgive me for not allowing us to live to our fullest
I am merely your over worked, underpaid, whore
I am your whore no more
~Najen~ © 2013
About the Poet
Najen a born poet lived a life of generational poverty. Through the courage and wisdom of great women she was offered an opportunity of God’s grace. Najen focused on the power of overcoming the struggles of poverty; therefore she became determined and earned her Master’s degree in Social Work to serve those who have experienced similar situations. Najen is the author of Jojoba Essence “A Woman’s Worth” and the erotic spoken word accompanying CD. Najen is a mother of three and believes no matter the struggles we are faced with, there is nothing more important to have in your circle than those individuals who have the ability to teach you something.
UBAWA: When did you first realize your attraction to poetry?
Najen: My first attraction to poetry happened when I was 10 years old. I was trying to explain to my mother that I was upset with her. I was reading a magazine and the words came to me. The words did not make much sense because I was trying not to be disrespectful. I come from a household where "a child was to be seen not heard." It was a poem that was not shared until I was much older and confident.
UBAWA: Tell us about the very first poem you have ever written
Najen: I wrote a poem about a child who was being raised in a home where the parents were using the drug, crack cocaine. However, the poem was addressed to the drug itself. “Crack Cocaine through a Child's Eyes” was an expressive poem. The words were used to explain to 'crack' that it would not defeat my childhood.
UBAWA: Do you have a favorite poet? If so, who is he/she?
Najen: No. I find beauty in all poets.
UBAWA: When you’re writing poetry, do you think in terms of genre?
Najen: No. I think in terms of being expressive and engaging.
UBAWA: Some people say writing poetry is like writing a rap or love song. Do you agree? Why/why not?
Najen: Yes. Some 'underground' artists utilize a poetry format. I believe mainstream music does not allow for artistic poetry to be recognized. I believe poetry requires people to think. Too often in today's "American" society people utilize music as a way to get away from real life. Music used to be a way of teaching, educating, and unification of a group of people.
UBAWA: Are there certain styles/techniques/rules of poetry you adhere to in your writing? Tell us about your writing style.
Najen: I do not like to use rhyming words. I believe my poetry is more of a spoken word. As an artist I tell a short story in my poems.
UBAWA: What poetry books have you written?
Najen: None. I use poetry in my fictional writing to inspire and engage my readers.
UBAWA: Have you performed any of your poetry pieces on stage? If so, please share your experience(s) with us.
Najen: I was nervous and excited. I have performed at J'Anthony Brown's comedy club. That was an experience I will never forget. It was titled "Erotic Storm." It was my first performance with a large audience. I loved it. Some liked me and others loved me. The first night was a younger crowd; therefore I was able to be more sexually graphic with my words. The second night I was put to the test of taming my language because the crowd was more of an older crowd. That was a challenge because I was taught to respect my elders. It was uncomfortable but I was given encouraging words by several audience members after the show. .
UBAWA: What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of love?
Najen: I think of God. I think of unconditional and rare emotions. I think of scary moments in life that forces those who are ready to become vulnerable to those they love.
UBAWA: Are you currently dating someone, married, or single?
Najen: I am single.
UBAWA: Do you think success is a matter of chance or a matter of choice?
Najen: It is a matter of CHOICE.
UBAWA: Inspiration for a new poem can come from the strangest places. What inspired you to write your most recent poem?
Najen: The death of a character in my second book that I am working on.
UBAWA: If you could go back and “right” any past wrong in your life, which one would it be and why?
Najen: I'm not sure. I fear if I change something in my past then I wouldn't be where I am today. I love where (not physically but mentally and spiritually) I am today.
UBAWA: When you’re not writing, what are you doing?
Najen: Working as a child protection social worker, hanging out with my children, and developing my consulting business.
UBAWA: There’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes of a poet’s life, fill us in on what one typical day for you is like.
Najen: I wake up around 5:30 am. I read my morning Bible scripture. I get ready for work and get my family ready for their day. I work during the day. I am researching topics that I am working on in my books. I come home, cook dinner, help my children with their homework (when it is needed). Once they are in bed I am writing and researching.
UBAWA: If you could create the “perfect day,” what would it be like?
Najen: I would love to rent a hotel room with a hot tub in it. I would connect my lap top to the flat screen and write my book on a large screen. When I get exhausted I would sit in the hot tub with a glass of wine to relax. I would eat and start writing again. I would do that until my book was completed.
UBAWA: What do you do on the weekends?
Najen: Family activities, watch football, laundry, and try to write as much as possible. I am a big researcher. Even though I am a fictional writer I like to have factual information in my stories.
UBAWA: Do you hang out or go to clubs?
Najen: I go out when my friends feel like I have been isolating them too much.
UBAWA: If you could visit any other country in the world and take one other person with you, where would you go and who would you take?
Najen: I would go to Australia. I have no idea who I would take with me. Not enough open minded people around me.
UBAWA: Tell us about one challenge in life that you had to overcome. What was the challenge and how did you get through it?
Najen: I can honestly say there are many. If I have to be honest I would have to say I had to get over the challenge of not loving myself. I never hated myself but it seemed to me that once I truly started loving myself choices about food, men, friends, my relationship with God, family heart aches, other people disappointing me and me disappointing myself became a thing of the past. Loving myself did not make me perfect but it did make me slow down and acknowledge my wrongs quicker than I was able to notice the wrongs others were doing to me.
UBAWA: Before you leave, tell us one thing about yourself that we may not know.
Najen: I love chili. It's the secret to my heart.
UBAWA: Do you host contests or giveaways?
Najen: Yes I have. I do not have any planned for the year yet.
UBAWA: Any upcoming events that we should know about?
Najen: I plan to attend the National Black Book Festival in Houston, TX October 2013.
Connect with Najen:
Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/najenana